I decided to do a write-up about the zines I made this year. I was making compilation zines up until last year, and this year I decided to try something else.
Previously, I made:
I think I tended to make these when I felt down to remind myself that I have been productive and it’s nice to have an artifact. I won’t pretend they’re any good, but at least I can say that I made them earnestly.
Late last year, I wanted to make sure to be ready for applying to be in online Canzine, which took place in March. I have heard (and experienced) that getting into any event locally is very difficult, so I am in less distress about it than before. I just remember being very down after not getting into the fall Canzine, and then going to the actual Canzine and realizing it was a lost cause in the first place. The first Canzine I went to was in the Toronto Reference Library - apparently it was previously in the basement of the Art Gallery of Ontario. The last in-person one (2023) was in the Cecil Community Centre. In summary, small, or intimate, I suppose. Anyways, all this to say that I’m learning to grow a tougher skin and try my best not to judge my self worth on the how many events I can get into or whether I get picked to be in an anthology zine guest or some arbitrary thing that I can’t control. I read Goodbye, Eri again, and thought of this line:
Creation is all about getting into the audience’s problems to make them laugh and cry, right? Well, it wouldn’t be fair if creators didn’t get hurt too, would it?
This year, the zines were:
Le bien qui fait mal - R18 Tadaai Logs | B-Side: SK8 unofficial fun book
This is by far my favourite zine this year; I named the web shrine after it, after all. It’s based on this song from Mozart Opera Rock of the same title. Maybe it’s a bit too chuuni? Haha. Anyhow. It compiles all the R18 art that I liked from 2023/2024. I was really embarassed about getting it printed, so I printed the covers and insides myself on colour paper. The problem is that the paper pack I bought, a lot of the paper was too dark to print on in the end. So now I just use the paper as backgrounds for photos. I’m mostly proud of this zine because I feel like I really like all the art in it, and I feel like all the drawing I did the 2 years prior were coming to fruition. It’s not the best book and it probably wouldn’t hold a candle to other people’s stuff and it’s in black and white, but I still like it. I honestly thought I would evaporate when I showed it to my friend, but it turned out okay. I sold 3 copies at online Canzine. I particularly liked the 7 page comic and the Halloween art. 24 pages, cover to cover of R18 fun stuff. The puppet charms appear in the book. 😛
Midnight amaretto: Tadashi Kikuchi x Ainosuke Shindo SK8 Unofficial Fanbook
This was the doujinshi I started last year, and finished in time for Canzine. It felt good to finish a longer comic, even if it’s kinda wonky now that I look back on it. I gave away a few copies at TCAF! I talked about making it previously. For my next project, I might go back to InDesign, because none of the other programs I’ve used can even stand up to it, especially after I read Blambot’s book on lettering. I can actually say that since I have have used Affinity, CSP, and other programs extensively, and InDesign is just much more powerful on the letter adjustment front. Mmmm…I don’t think I like the art in this one, I definitely didn’t pace myself properly and didn’t care much for backgrounds. But I can at least say that I did write, draw, and sell it. I put it online for free to read ahead of time since all the zines I’ve printed weren’t printed on nice paper, so what you pay for is literally the paper I went to the store to get. I know we can argue until we’re blue in the face about labour and time, but let’s move on!
Tadashi Kikuchi / Ainosuke Shindo Page & Panel Theatre: A SK8 Fanzine
I made this with the intent of giving it away to people at TCAF for free. It’s named after the defunct store that used to be in the Toronto Reference Library. It’s just assorted comics from 2023/2024. I didn’t really get panelling and whatnot yet, so some of the comics are just vertical. It’s on tabloid size paper, so it’s a bit unusual. 16 pages total, 14 pages of comics. I quite liked the birthday comic, haha.
Not just fujobait: An information guide on fujoshi, BL fandom, and shipping
I procrastinated a year on making it, but I’m glad I finished it. I did a lot of research over the last year for it, and I’ve made it free to download on Itch.io. I’ve been gifting colour copies to friends despite how much I despise doing colour printing. Well, not despise…more like I have no money and the cheap places, the printing comes out too dark and I get annoyed. I spent the money this year to get the full-colour tadaai logs zines printed at Staples for online Canzine, and I did not like the price even if I was happy with the end result.
Days gone by: Tadashi Kikuchi x Ainosuke Shindo SK8 Unofficial Fanbook
I am both insufferably proud and embarrassed of this comic. I originally drew the first 8 pages in a wild fit within the first week of being accepted into the Yaoi That Old Man zine volume 1, and decided to keep drawing it over the summer. By the time we were allowed to post the full pieces, I published the download for the full thing on Itch. I made Tadashi and Ainosuke even older than before. I liked the last 3 pages of it. I feel like it conveys what I wanted to say about them in this time, even if it’s really outside of canon. I am very serious about wanting to write a canon-timeline story, but that will have to wait until I finish the thing I’m working on right now. It’s kind of funny to say that saying I want to make an R18 doujin means I have free rein to insert enough pages of porn to make it worth it when someone buys it. But I swear it has story, too! And I personally thought Ainosuke was really cute in this one! I’m looking forward to next time.
Turning the Wheel: A Spirit Hunter: Death Mark fanzine
This is the practice zine for the next thing I’m working on. I made it to take to the Zine Off, though I didn’t manage to trade/give away that many copies of it. I’ve been spending a wild time reading about Buddhism, Shintoism, yokai, Shigeru Mizuki’s work, Japanese fairy tales and whatnot because of this game. I like the cover, the rest is a bit rough (but it is a sketch zine after all). I feel the things I want to explore in a Death Mark story might be related to Yashiki’s kindness, and how to balance struggling as humans with nihilism. Or maybe it’s just a silly ghost game with anime girls. My brain these days are just full of things related to what Mashita’s going to have to do to get rid of Yashiki’s paranormal suitors.
Shibari anthology zine Kickstarter
The Shibari Zine: Red Threads Volume 2 Kickstarter from the project I took part in was completed this year, and I received a contributor copy with all the merch. I really enjoyed my time on this project, and it was really cool to be a part of a Kickstarter! I learned a bit about Kickstarter earlier this year at TCAF when I went to Word Balloon Academy. I’m just happy that I was able to get contributor copies. We wer given permission to print more books if needed, but since I don’t table, I probably won’t need to at the moment. I’m going to try to look outside to smaller projects and ones with open calls to work on next year. I had a good time working Yaoi That Old Man.
(Anyone looking for a person to join your TadaAi comics anthology that I don’t want to organize? Heh heh.)
Yaoi that Old Man anthology zine
It was an open call and I had a great time. I did an 8 page comic that eventually turned into the old man yaoi doujin mentioned previously. You can check for future open calls on the Yaoi that Old Man carrd, and volume 1 is free to download on Itch. Despite my anxieties about group projects, I think everyone in this zine went balls to the wall for this zine. It was released at Citrus Con, and if you were there, the thread for old man yaoi (and the opposite) had to be put in slow-mode jail at times.
Misc zines
Other zines:
- the anime minizine I made for the ConG panel. Bucchigiri?! turned out to be a bust. However, Bravern came out on top, which I’m happy about.
- SK8 hanafuda zine I put together to take to the Zine Off
- a zine of cat photos to commemorate cat-sitting
I joined a new zine server recently that had a portfolio building channel and felt all my anxiety about all my art related deficiencies rising, so I muted it. I’m doing my best.
Could these zines have been printed better?
I did read a lot of the threads that were circulating online about people that make comics and going to shows and North America, but I’m nowhere near that level to bother with importing books from Japan. I’ve seen some people translate and go to Japan specifically to table, which was cool. I feel kind of awkward when people ask if I table.
A part of me does yearn a little to talk more with people and go out and “make artist friends” and whatnot, but I think I’m doing okay for now. I did join CAC; being on Discord eliminates the anxieties I have most of the time related to events. I won’t say I’m much better than last year, but I can definitely say I’m way less of a shut-in than I was 2020-2022 (or even prior to that). I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with me printing my zines copybon (コピー本) style. I might try next year to listen to my friend’s feedback about making better covers and not be so sloppy. Full colour covers in 2025? Perhaps. Or maybe a bold colour on nice paper. But I think I’m the right size and printing at the right level for what I’m making.
If you’re wondering where I had the time to make all this, I pretty much paused all the drawing I doing before, and also got hit with the NEET-beam mid-way through the year. Hoping next year is better. What comes to mind is the meme of the man clutching the clay doll and exclaiming whether a depressed person can make something like that. I actually do realize I sound like an overthinking anxious person, sometimes.
Anyways, until next time. I finished building the first version of the commenting system on this blog. It’s manual for me to add the comments here, so it will take time for comments to appear (assuming it also doesn’t get caught in a spam filter). I should work on the Christmas and New Years art…